Kristian

Kristian's first appearance in The PodPod was due to a series of unfortunate events, not the awful film based on a book by Lemony Snicket, but a literaly series of events that are considered the opposite of fortunate (Therefore known as unfortunate) It all started on a normal day at his normal job of penguin polishing, when he was then approached by J.R.R. Tolkien, who is famous for looking a little bit like Adolf Hitler(and also being the writer of "Lord of the Rings" but noone really cares about that) He then gave Kristian a swift punch in the face knocking him unconscious. J.R.R. Tolkien proceeded to drag Kristian to his secret Swis warehouse where Kristian would then spend the next 5 years of his life designing mittens. In 1967 during the Vietnam war. A platoon of Viet Cong warriors got lost and ended up raiding J.R.R. Tolkien's warehouse, because they believed it to be the American Armys direct exporter of Special fried rice to their troops. Whilst they where in the wrong place the decided to free all the mitten knitting slaves inculding Kristian. Kristian then started wondering around Switzerland where he came across Aiden (Blind) who was on holiday at the time but was completely unaware that he was and therefore started talking to Kristian becasue he thought he was Jordan. Kristian was confused and decided to play along. He is now featured in The PodPod as a special guest every time Aiden get's lost (Which is often). Kristian is also a Duck, he has an acquired taste for lemons and he's got 10 toes! It is not known by many, but Kristian is not his real name. Before he was Kristian, his name was Kristian. As well as his name not really being Kristian, he was also a hot-dog. Kristian's boxers are purchased from Boxa-da-maker-country-ville, a small Boxers Making country off the south coast of Jubbly Wubbly Dang Do Dally. Kristian's favourite past-time is purchasing Cucumbers from Tazikistan, putting them on his neighbour's doorstep and waiting to see the confusion on his neighbour's face. He also eats raw coffee beans to keep his heart from dropping below 5,000,000 bpm. It's kinda like the film "Speed" in that sense. But, instead of there being a bus there's Kristian's Heart. And instead of having to keep the bus above 50 kph, it's keeping his bpm above 5,000,000.And Keanu Reeves isn't here. Which is kind of a relief 'cause all his films are kinda depressing. And I spose it'd be a bit awkward 'cause I don't really know him that well, and I doubt we have very much in common, and basically, the whole situation would be a shambles. Anywho. Enjoy your fresh Orange Juice and good luck to ya!

Also Kristian is a woman.